birth

The birth of my daughter is quickly approaching.  A part of me wants to have the baby, like right now, and another part of me wants to prolong the inevitable.  I find myself cherishing moments with Zachary, knowing that our family dynamic is about to drastically change, and worried that he is not going to be thrilled with the upcoming shift.

Sorry Zman, there is no undoing this one.

I had Zachary at a birthing center in Murray Utah.  He was born November 20th at 7pm, and his birth ushered in the first big snow storm of the season.  I remember Clint and my midwife Rebecca commenting on 'how much it was coming down' and me not caring one bit.  Who cares about poetic metaphoric moments when you are giving unmedicated birth???  It is only now that I can appreciate all the beauty and magic that surrounded his arrival to this world.

I also remember Clint and Rebecca talking about mortgage rates as I was in the pushing stage of labor and thinking 'midwifes know about low interest rates??!!!'  Which is of course completely ridiculous and illogical, similar to when I was in second grade and completely shocked upon seeing my teacher at the grocery store.....teachers buy groceries?? and at the grocery store???!!!!  Impossible!!!

I also remember thinking that maybe I should be upset that this converation was even taking place during my birth, but this is where the beauty (and the beast) of unmedicated birthing lives.  It was my expereince.  It was my pain, my struggle to get through.  It was Zachary and I in the throws of one of our first, but certaintly not last, epic struggles.  And regardless of outside static, and the shear difficultly work and pain of birth, we did get through it, and you my child, were born.

I cannot say that I am excited to go through the birthing experience again, the naivety preceding my first birth has been long shattered.  I.E maybe I will be one of those women who experience no pain.......in fact if I have no fear there will be no pain---calling b.s. on that one hypnobirthing.......)
But I am excited to hold my baby girl and smell her sweet smell and welcome her into this uncertain world with all the love and beauty that I am capable of.

Lets do this.